Rambling Edition

I'm going to try to refrain from constantly referencing song lyrics, as I seem habitually (or maybe genetically) inclined to do. That's just a warning because I want anyone reading to know that I realize what an unoriginal consumer I can be.

I had a revelation today. I have many revelations, very often, and they last for about a day and a half, and then they fade into nothingness. I wonder if anyone else is like that. From a psychological standpoint, I feel I use these revelations on beauty, hope, love, grace, etc, to keep me from teetering into existential dilemma.

The revelation: For a straight man, I am mistaken for a homosexual one at abnormal rates. That is not in and of itself a problem, or a point of pride, or even a big surprise, just an observation which lends itself to some analysis as to why. My friend, the lovely Miss Ewa Jarosz, insists that I'm merely "European" and should've been born there as opposed to here. That's a comforting thought, at least, that I might fit in somewhere. I'm sure I'm not unique in this regard, although I may be more open than others.

Developmental psychology has been reminding us on a pretty regular basis that we are the products half of nurture and half of nature. That is to say, I developed from a canvas (nature) into a painting (nurture) -- probably a Picasso.

While I can't change how I was born, who I actually am is refracted through countless lenses: purposeful and incidental things done to me, choices I've made, tsunamis. I can wager that I have always been extremely self conscious, sensual, and emotional. I presume these elements to be nurture, but that is merely because they have been present and persistent within me for the longest time. I cannot claim my sexuality to be an inherent or learned trait, but I certainly suspect it is the former.

Social psychology has another commentary: American Heterosexual Man (we'll call him AHM) has come to be defined by certain traits -- my sexuality at least being congruent with the most private aspects of that persona. On the surface, however, AHM is (for no statistically good reason) defined by traits like aggression, competitiveness, showboating, sports, and limited emotions. I am none of these things, but that does not make me a homosexual.

Were I to wager for the sake of an explanation, I'd say that these traits are leftover primitive (or perhaps frontier) ideologies which served man in his early stages in the process of gaining mates and surviving long enough to do so. Heterosexual males (those capable of a reproductive coupling) served their prospective mates a lot better by being savage d-bags. It was a different kind of sexual battleground than exists today, aside from the fact that the desire for these traits have been passed down in the genes of women for thousands of years. That may be changing, too.

Am I part of a biosocial evolution? That'd be pretty presumptuous of me to say. What I do know is that despite my preoccupation with appearance, my obsession with certain male celebrities, my apathy towards sports, and my demonstratitive nature, I really have enjoyed only sleeping with women and have no desire to switch teams.

It is hard to shift cultural norms about sex and sexuality. I can only conclude that I have a responsibility to our society to decrease investment in this stereotype by sleeping with as many different females as humanly possible.

I'm just kidding. I'm more monogamous than the dikdik.